9. Revelations

The crippled light winds around the twisted reaches of my soul. I follow behind, afraid of what I'll find. The beacon of intelligibility has been extinguished by anguish and disappointment. It's tongue-tied my reasoning; it's not functioning, and yet I am aware of all that I see. I don't Understand, but I See. The light crawls on and I am not far behind.

Searching blindly, numbly creeping deep within where no thoughts go, I follow the light that speaks in tongues and I know that lies and illusions are all I'll find, but illusions are fine when you've lost your dreams.

The light is leaving a trail of blood-stained hopes for a dream of peace on earth I'd once seen that I'd thought had died long ago. But they're still squirming like slugs that slither beneath decaying logs, leaving behind a slime that only slugs can love.

The trail is sweet, and salty too. Like the tears that rolled down my cheeks in whispered nights when I thought that those hopes had all died. My tongue drags behind me, lapping happily. But I feel nauseated as I walk on. So much disillusioned time has passed that the sweetness of the traces of a peacetopian world that taunt my tongue stings my soul and I am repulsed. And the light goes on without me. And I am all alone, and the darkness is closing in. Claustrophobic paranoia gridlocking my perception is overshadowed by the tension of my inner desires burning in frivolous anguish. I have reached an impasse and I can not let myself pass.

There is a rumble that shakes the walls. They rattle and I'm buried alive in the avalanche of a lifetime of perceptions that tumbles down upon my blind and weary mind. Reaching inside my vested interests, I tear out my heart and drink my fill. I wait until I feel enough love for myself that I can see again. The light returns, bouncing off the walls of possibility, ricocheting loudly in splendor and confusion, but coming home to me.

"Guide me. Show me. Set me free," I'm begging the Light. The light of my soul. The light that is not for me alone, but for all who seek its splendor. The light that emanates from a time of hope yet to come. The light no one, not even me can ever really see. But I See it and it touches me, and my heart is growing, and I crash out of the prison, and the rubble flies into the darkness, and the Light rushes in, filling me, louder, brighter, and more completely. I burst into the darkness, illuminating the heavens with my own Vision of what is real, a vision where peace prevails on earth forever and ever, and the trees bend in the breeze as I sway my arms, and the oceans thunder as I breathe, and the ground roars as I laugh, and lightning bolts crash from my fingertips, destroying the chains that hold me down, and I'm rising with the light, growing, filling the darkness with the wonder of life that has been tortured and imprisoned within my being.

And the light is enveloping everything until there is nothing but the Light of Peace. And suddenly I'm filled with a bubbling, rushing, roaring, well of ecstasy, and I explode in a wondrous burst of energy.


©: 1992-2015 Robert Alan Silverstein

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